I Throw Like a Girl

Application to Date My Daughter

Posted by Carol on August 1, 2008

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY

DAUGHTER

NAME_____________________________________  

DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________  WEIGHT____________  IQ__________  GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP______

Do you have parents?                     ___Yes  ___No

Do they like you?                          ____ Yes ____ No

If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
    ____________________________________________ ________________________

    ____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van?              __Yes  __No

B. A truck with oversized tires?                             __Yes  __No

C. A waterbed?                                                     __Yes  __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?                __Yes  __No

E. A tattoo?                                                            __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,                       __Yes  __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?
    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?

    __________________________________________________________ ____

    ______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

    father? _____________

    mother? _____________

    pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

    ______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

    ______________________________________________________________

C: A woman’s place is in the:

    ______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

    ______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

    _________________________________ _____________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________      ________________________________
Mother’s Signature                                              Father’s Signature

_______________________________      ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                                           State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

 

 

 

 

 

This was sent to me in an email from my sweet sister-in-law who has two daughters herself who are way too young to date! 

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4 Responses to “Application to Date My Daughter”

  1. That was GREAT!

  2. Beverlydru said

    I will not allow my husband to see this. He would not realize it’s a joke and would implement it immediately!! He is already known to scare the guys… and he loves his reputation. ; )

    Thanks for adding me to your blogroll. I am honored.

  3. Val said

    We have this! A neighbor gave it to us. Only ours warns of having a rifle for “certain” situations, etc. Hubby put it away for future use. I am beginning to feel sorry for our little girl!

  4. Heather said

    This will be of great use to us in the future! Everyone comments on what beautiful eyes our daughter has and how the boys will just be crazy for her. But Mommy and Daddy have already determined that she will not be allowed to date until she’s at least 30!!

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